Ahh, the worst. The argument has petered out, and you walk in total silence. But maybe the next time you open your mouths, you'll both want peace, right? Nope -- Mar was just sulking while Jane was busy formulating a new case. This new outburst creates more incriminating evidence, to be transcribed and repeated back to the court. In silence, the argument has only managed to get worse.
5 thoughts on “#878 – there it is”
Bleh
To be fair, Jane's right and this is something that definitely needs to be vocalized if Mar wants support in her own efforts to quit. It's good that Jane is willing to bring this out into the open even when it's an uncomfortable topic during an uncomfortable argument.
Kae
"So just to clarify…" is my number one method of restarting an explosive argument.
wolfman
Also the phrasing is quite loaded lol
"You hate that I smoke, right?"
hate is a strong word, and assigning that emotion to Marigold was always gonna put her on the defensive. Jane is being emotionally motivated with her word choice there. She doesn't actually want Marigold to say she hate her/her actions, she specifically wants Marigold NOT to hate her. But she feels judged, and hurt and wants to do something with those feelings. Jane could have come at it directly and non-judgmentally with something like:
"Hey, I've been getting the impression that you don't like the fact that I smoke, is that the case?"
But Jane isn't super big on saying what she means and being direct. 😛
Graf
Every relationship has points that honestly chafe and need compromising, problemsolving. Loving someone doesn't mean you're magically able to enjoy or approve of everything they do, and often it requires meeting halfway.
Honestly, if something bugs you about a partner or a friend and it's something they have some control over it pays to take the chance of at least allowing them to know your feelings. Help them help you, worst case they refuse to or are unable to really adapt. At least you'll have taken the grievous risk that you can trust each other better after having been open about your real feelings.
… and boy don't I know those kinds of conversations can be prickly and sore for all involved parties, we'd all love to have nothing about us that can irritate or disappoint someone we care about. Alas.
max
i dunno, i think this was stuff they both needed to voice. not the best context for it, but burying the argument for the sake of momentary peace just kicks the can down the road. Ideally they both would wait to be calm, collect their thoughts and present them to eachother to clear up misunderstandings, but good drama and all that. I think its pretty unreasonable of jane to police how mar should feel about her smoking habit, if you want something long term you have to confront whether youre ok with watching someone slowly hurt themselves. At the same time mar probably knows that she shouldnt throw down an ultimatum on someone when she went into the relationship knowing jane was a smoker. One of the many negotiations of relationships octopie is great at showcasing