Woah, the coffee nerd in me almost lashed out at the page. I need to go hug my vacuum-sealed bag of Honduran Esteban Madrid Chavez El Sauce. 2010 Cup of Excellence. Notes of jasmine and apricot.
Also Sarah J.
If we ever meet, the world will combust from pure, caffeinated, single-origin awesome.
seriously, though, i hope julie doesn't walk in right now, though you KNOW she is about to…agh! no julie, no! and how hilarious about the guild and coffee-snobbery.
Spencer
good, so I'm not the only one who thought of those two characters as the same person for the longest time?
Mo
…Julie?
a commentor
shes the other olly employee, the one with the crush on jacob, from 2 strips ago
looks like a young marigold
nvm88
not just from 2 strips ago but like FOREVER
leth
Bwahahaha! Oh how I've wanted to do that in the past… the nerve some people have, putting that… filth in perfectly good coffee.
I didn't know we had a guild though?
Maybe they brainwashed me to forget when I chose to quit drinking coffee…
Sebastian
Oh, yes. Just… yes. My week is a little more awesome now that I've read this.
Another quality action sequence with Eve. I was beginning to miss those wonderful panels, but look! Eve destroying blasphemy-laced artificial coffee creamer! And Jacob is smarter than he seems.
When I called it toxic I wasn't being figurative. This stuff is actually really bad for you, I know someone who had a lot of dental issues because they drank it every day. It's also entirely artificial so who knows what else it does to you. That's where my comic stems from, not because it's frowned upon. I still drink my coffee with tons of sugar, and I do so in an unapologetic manner.
I wasn't trying to win the game, but I did and didn't tell anyone about it because I just didn't think it was that important, and there are more important things to do in life like save the endangered Ecuadorean spit-hamster. Now everyone's all "ooh the game" and inside, I'm all "yeah, I won that already" so I don't say anything.
CelestialTeez
Panel twelve is epic. Actually panel twelve and on.
Jacob is one smart cookie
and Eve…
I can't believe Eve was one of THEM!!
Alain
And I thought that Dresden Codak wa the only Webcomic with an Asian Action Heroine.
I live in Taipei and here, we do in fact have a coffee shop named Ristretto (which is a short pull of espresso – now the real question is did I just know that or did I check Wikipedia?)
Nikki
His deviousness makes him very attractive to me. 😳
damien walder
Damn – that would have worked on me, too. Sweet'n'low, I might have just shuddered.
I confess – I was a barista back when Fair Trade was just becoming a household name – I wonder if caring about a good roast, being ahead of the curve just meant I was a demanding jerk blazing a trail for other fussy, coffee snobbish, demanding jerks? Now look at the mess.
And now I am going to the kitchen to make stovetop espresso. Because I can.
And it will taste good.
Julia
So what you're saying is….
You were a coffee snob…. before it was cool? ;D
Dope Danny
Thats-thats either doublehipster or meta hipster, either way what does it mean?
That comment just MADE MY DAY. Damien, give yourself an Internet, you've earned it.
damien walder
Old = Full of Win!
/
Oooh, an Internet!
Ippi
Coffee…blech…I cannot stand that bile. Hot cocoa for me any time!
Sass
Hot water and lemon for me… and if i'm feeling really daring, honey (oh my!)
Max
Hah. No way she's really one of US.
We'd kill whoever dares pouring Holy Ristretto Coffee out of that… thing… and into a… OMG… it looks like a… PAPER… CUP…. this is madness. This is blasphemy.
damien walder
I just can't see a THIS IS SPARTA thing working here. sorry.
StephenM3
Oh man. I'm of the "why would someone drink coffee at all if they don't like the taste" opinion at the very mildest, snobbish when I'm at my most extreme. And so of course this page also brought out in me the most violent coffee-protection instincts. This may seem like cartoonish exaggeration, but I felt sympathy for those exact actions.
For those who don't at all understand what happened here:
To someone who really loves coffee, pouring stuff in that sort of coffee is a crime most vile. Eve reacted quickly to prevent such an atrocity, but in doing so gave herself away as one of an elite class of coffee snobs.
Ristretto is a special kind of Espresso.
Bok
Sugar Free – Brown Sugar & Honey.
Jacob probably could've used anything but he just had to use… that.
dartigen
Gosh, that would've even worked on me, and we don't *have* creamer over here! (You have milk in your coffee in Australia. Milk of some description. If you are that fussy you can have soy milk, or skimmed milk. What is this "creamer" that you speak of? We do not know it.)
Ristretto is a valid version of an espresso shot, but there's never enough there to properly enjoy it. You get half a mouthful and then it's gone. Ristretto is for people who don't actually like coffee but want the caffeine anyway.
Krimson
You're lucky you don't have any creamer rubbish. It's a non-dairy product that emulates the consistency and "flavor" of actual cream (in liquid form), but mostly consists of corn syrup and vegetable fats. It also comes in powdered form. And it tastes awful.
gn0me
Ristretto is also for people seeking the most divine ambrosia in a cup 🙂
Some coffees just do well as ristretto – lighter roasts especially. Props if your cafe serves them – it takes a readjustment on the grinder and on the pump of the espresso machine to come close to making them right, as well as tamping pressure, which all combines to make any errors in preparation compounded.
If there's not enough, pony up and drink a triple 😀
If that's not enough, something's wrong. Espresso isn't about volume, anyway.
Death to the Lungo.
Tim
Ohh man did this comic crack me up! 😀
I'm still a bit of an "intro to coffee" sort of person, but I know enough to know how wrong that would have been. Eve looks epic there.
I now feel very ashamed that I drank instant coffee from a tin today 🙁 I was weak! One of my coworkers has a french press I should just learn how to use that…
Krimson
Once you go French press, you never go back. (Joiiiin usssss!)
spas
i brewed pecan coffee today (that a tourist-volunteer brought me from texas) and though we finished the pot, most of my co-workers drank instant instead, which they strongly prefer. it is a barbaric, savage land, here in jerusalem – we also do not have mexican food.
If I didn't have Mexican food, I would surely perish.
Rei Malebario
Poison? Only to people with tastebuds. :-p
Los
*golf applause* That's the only proper response to such blasphemy. Heathen.
Kelsey
OH MY GOD A MYSTERIOUS BARISTA GUILD.
Doug
sure hope Julie doesn't walk by and see Eve mounting Jacob, that would be *unfortunate*
Beyla
One time I was high and went to the convenience store with my friends. The non dairy creamer was in the same case as the yoohoo, so I didn't immediately register exactly what it was. Instead I just called out, "Hey, they got choco hazelnut milk now!"
and was greeted with a response of "Oh man, that's like nutella you can drink. Grab me a bottle of that shit too, B"
It didn't taste like drinking nutella.
damien walder
The sound I just made, a hybrid of laughing and gagging?
My cat came into the room to see if I was OK.
Leith
OutPLAYED, Ning.
D!
Oh god, the snobbery in these comments. God forbid someone enjoy something you don't. For the record I don't use coffee-mate either, but my folks and wife seem to love it. It's no reason to act like someone is drinking poison if you don't care for it.
For chrissakes, you do all realize this strip is poking fun at people who coffee that seriously, right?
Bin
Yeah, for real. I totally agree with you. This is also nearly all we drink in the Philippines, because instant coffee and powdered creamer keep for much longer in the heat, and because, unfortunately, it's much cheaper. Ya'll are such elitist jerks.
109 thoughts on “#438 – the guild of the ristretto”
random
What is it poison or something?
Nate
Sugar-free Coffee Mate? Pretty much.
StJason
Dammit. I swear I heard trilling violins when he began to pour…
The Count
To a coffee elitist, yup.
Kate
Yes!
Scott Bieser
Poison AND blasphemy all in one plastic package.
Ben Rankel
I don't know what happened, but I love it.
Sarah J.
Woah, the coffee nerd in me almost lashed out at the page. I need to go hug my vacuum-sealed bag of Honduran Esteban Madrid Chavez El Sauce. 2010 Cup of Excellence. Notes of jasmine and apricot.
Also Sarah J.
If we ever meet, the world will combust from pure, caffeinated, single-origin awesome.
Jack
How dare he!
The cup is perfect BY ITSELF
Qwil man
Marigold don't you dare walk into this room. 🙁
Emmmmmyy
Don't you mean Julie?
spas
seriously, though, i hope julie doesn't walk in right now, though you KNOW she is about to…agh! no julie, no! and how hilarious about the guild and coffee-snobbery.
Spencer
good, so I'm not the only one who thought of those two characters as the same person for the longest time?
Mo
…Julie?
a commentor
shes the other olly employee, the one with the crush on jacob, from 2 strips ago
looks like a young marigold
nvm88
not just from 2 strips ago but like FOREVER
leth
Bwahahaha! Oh how I've wanted to do that in the past… the nerve some people have, putting that… filth in perfectly good coffee.
I didn't know we had a guild though?
Maybe they brainwashed me to forget when I chose to quit drinking coffee…
Sebastian
Oh, yes. Just… yes. My week is a little more awesome now that I've read this.
Another quality action sequence with Eve. I was beginning to miss those wonderful panels, but look! Eve destroying blasphemy-laced artificial coffee creamer! And Jacob is smarter than he seems.
Cri
I know that stuff is toxic but I had it once and it was kind of yummy. I even hate myself for typing that 🙁
nvm88
You poor, poor thing 😛
hotsauce
Yes, heaven forbid you do what you enjoy, rather than what snobs tell you you're supposed to enjoy.
/sarcasm
Cri
When I called it toxic I wasn't being figurative. This stuff is actually really bad for you, I know someone who had a lot of dental issues because they drank it every day. It's also entirely artificial so who knows what else it does to you. That's where my comic stems from, not because it's frowned upon. I still drink my coffee with tons of sugar, and I do so in an unapologetic manner.
Cri
* comment, not comic.
Rowen Morland
And we hate you for typing it too.
John
3 words: WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?!?!
someone care to tell me what the hell just happened, and WHY?? what's wrong with that? I'm confused!!!
The Game.
lily
I just won the game, because the game can only be won ironically.
Jacob was so ready for this. He did his research, brought something to lure eve in and something to muscle out a confession. Devious!
StJason
I won The Game before winning the game was popular.
Sebastian
I tried to win the game but quit instead.
jenna
I wasn't trying to win the game, but I did and didn't tell anyone about it because I just didn't think it was that important, and there are more important things to do in life like save the endangered Ecuadorean spit-hamster. Now everyone's all "ooh the game" and inside, I'm all "yeah, I won that already" so I don't say anything.
CelestialTeez
Panel twelve is epic. Actually panel twelve and on.
Jacob is one smart cookie
and Eve…
I can't believe Eve was one of THEM!!
Alain
And I thought that Dresden Codak wa the only Webcomic with an Asian Action Heroine.
wykstrad
I'd hesitate to call someone who takes six months to get out of a train station an "action heroine."
Arran
lol, SO true.
Also, your comment made my morning!
quarksparrow
Alain, one word: Manga. 😉
Kendra
Aha! Did Eve used to be…
Gasp!
A BARISTA?
rysade
You're beautiful. I love you.
This comic reminds me of ' The Crying of Lot 49.'
And my wonderful espresso machine.
PeonyCrackers
reminds you of Crying of Lot 49? i imagine "Ristretto" is a play on "Trystero".
jenna
I live in Taipei and here, we do in fact have a coffee shop named Ristretto (which is a short pull of espresso – now the real question is did I just know that or did I check Wikipedia?)
Nikki
His deviousness makes him very attractive to me. 😳
damien walder
Damn – that would have worked on me, too. Sweet'n'low, I might have just shuddered.
I confess – I was a barista back when Fair Trade was just becoming a household name – I wonder if caring about a good roast, being ahead of the curve just meant I was a demanding jerk blazing a trail for other fussy, coffee snobbish, demanding jerks? Now look at the mess.
And now I am going to the kitchen to make stovetop espresso. Because I can.
And it will taste good.
Julia
So what you're saying is….
You were a coffee snob…. before it was cool? ;D
Dope Danny
Thats-thats either doublehipster or meta hipster, either way what does it mean?
damien walder
It means I am old. Get off my lawn!
damien walder
Oh, Oh… OOOOH I JUST HAVE TO SAY THIS NOW:
The Manchurian Coffeemate.
Eddurd
That comment just MADE MY DAY. Damien, give yourself an Internet, you've earned it.
damien walder
Old = Full of Win!
/
Oooh, an Internet!
Ippi
Coffee…blech…I cannot stand that bile. Hot cocoa for me any time!
Sass
Hot water and lemon for me… and if i'm feeling really daring, honey (oh my!)
Max
Hah. No way she's really one of US.
We'd kill whoever dares pouring Holy Ristretto Coffee out of that… thing… and into a… OMG… it looks like a… PAPER… CUP…. this is madness. This is blasphemy.
damien walder
I just can't see a THIS IS SPARTA thing working here. sorry.
StephenM3
Oh man. I'm of the "why would someone drink coffee at all if they don't like the taste" opinion at the very mildest, snobbish when I'm at my most extreme. And so of course this page also brought out in me the most violent coffee-protection instincts. This may seem like cartoonish exaggeration, but I felt sympathy for those exact actions.
For those who don't at all understand what happened here:
To someone who really loves coffee, pouring stuff in that sort of coffee is a crime most vile. Eve reacted quickly to prevent such an atrocity, but in doing so gave herself away as one of an elite class of coffee snobs.
Ristretto is a special kind of Espresso.
Bok
Sugar Free – Brown Sugar & Honey.
Jacob probably could've used anything but he just had to use… that.
dartigen
Gosh, that would've even worked on me, and we don't *have* creamer over here! (You have milk in your coffee in Australia. Milk of some description. If you are that fussy you can have soy milk, or skimmed milk. What is this "creamer" that you speak of? We do not know it.)
Ristretto is a valid version of an espresso shot, but there's never enough there to properly enjoy it. You get half a mouthful and then it's gone. Ristretto is for people who don't actually like coffee but want the caffeine anyway.
Krimson
You're lucky you don't have any creamer rubbish. It's a non-dairy product that emulates the consistency and "flavor" of actual cream (in liquid form), but mostly consists of corn syrup and vegetable fats. It also comes in powdered form. And it tastes awful.
gn0me
Ristretto is also for people seeking the most divine ambrosia in a cup 🙂
Some coffees just do well as ristretto – lighter roasts especially. Props if your cafe serves them – it takes a readjustment on the grinder and on the pump of the espresso machine to come close to making them right, as well as tamping pressure, which all combines to make any errors in preparation compounded.
If there's not enough, pony up and drink a triple 😀
If that's not enough, something's wrong. Espresso isn't about volume, anyway.
Death to the Lungo.
Tim
Ohh man did this comic crack me up! 😀
I'm still a bit of an "intro to coffee" sort of person, but I know enough to know how wrong that would have been. Eve looks epic there.
I now feel very ashamed that I drank instant coffee from a tin today 🙁 I was weak! One of my coworkers has a french press I should just learn how to use that…
Krimson
Once you go French press, you never go back. (Joiiiin usssss!)
spas
i brewed pecan coffee today (that a tourist-volunteer brought me from texas) and though we finished the pot, most of my co-workers drank instant instead, which they strongly prefer. it is a barbaric, savage land, here in jerusalem – we also do not have mexican food.
Cri
If I didn't have Mexican food, I would surely perish.
Rei Malebario
Poison? Only to people with tastebuds. :-p
Los
*golf applause* That's the only proper response to such blasphemy. Heathen.
Kelsey
OH MY GOD A MYSTERIOUS BARISTA GUILD.
Doug
sure hope Julie doesn't walk by and see Eve mounting Jacob, that would be *unfortunate*
Beyla
One time I was high and went to the convenience store with my friends. The non dairy creamer was in the same case as the yoohoo, so I didn't immediately register exactly what it was. Instead I just called out, "Hey, they got choco hazelnut milk now!"
and was greeted with a response of "Oh man, that's like nutella you can drink. Grab me a bottle of that shit too, B"
It didn't taste like drinking nutella.
damien walder
The sound I just made, a hybrid of laughing and gagging?
My cat came into the room to see if I was OK.
Leith
OutPLAYED, Ning.
D!
Oh god, the snobbery in these comments. God forbid someone enjoy something you don't. For the record I don't use coffee-mate either, but my folks and wife seem to love it. It's no reason to act like someone is drinking poison if you don't care for it.
For chrissakes, you do all realize this strip is poking fun at people who coffee that seriously, right?
Bin
Yeah, for real. I totally agree with you. This is also nearly all we drink in the Philippines, because instant coffee and powdered creamer keep for much longer in the heat, and because, unfortunately, it's much cheaper. Ya'll are such elitist jerks.
Dave
Yes, liking nice things is terribly elitist.