Everyone is being so hard on Hannah but have you ever BEEN that friend? The one that everyone tells their life goals and aspirations to but never do anything about them? It’s hard not to feel worn out or bitter after hearing the same complaints over and over again and to watch someone you love fester in their unhappy life. I’ve had people (BFFs!) write me off for being even a tiny bit critical after the same “ohhh I hate my job I can do so much MORE” “oh honey you can! You just have to move on!” Conversation. You can’t do that forever. It’s bad for everyone.
Boy, if you think that it's a best friend's place to critique and affect change then you're in for a heck of a letdown. Every person you've ever met is doing their best, and they're either going to change or they're not. And everyone is going to keep on trying to change, because fighting inertia is all we can do.
Love people for the people they are — whiny, short-sighted, lazy, whatever — because they're sure as hell not gonna change for you. The best you can do is love them. Maybe they'll change for themselves, maybe not.
Like I said, they're doing the best they can.
Except if you let your friends keep making bad decisions, spinning their wheels, and just keep saying "well I can't change them, only they can change themselves," then you're not a BFF you're just an acquaintance, a 10 foot relationship. Friends that are willing to both tell you that your best is not getting you anywhere right now AND help you to get somewhere at their own expense are real BFFs. For all the other 10 and 8 foot relationships around you saying that you can't change them and they have to change themselves is all you can do, but for the people that really value you, your opinion, and you have the ability to help them, those are the ones you have to honest/blunt with. The key is to be physically involved in the change you want to see for your BFF, if you aren't then you're just critiquing someone's life choices.
That’s not supportive though! Letting a friend be miserable in a situation they CAN change without trying to encourage them to improve is being a lazy useless friend. Friends try to motivate each other to be everything they can be. But it isn’t their role to let you bitch forever, and if you refuse to accept gentle encouragement or criticism you’re being immature.
Agree with Jake and lee, disagree with you. I'm going to go a step farther and call you a horrible friend.
Emily
Agree with Jake and Lee, disagree with Hikaru. You stepped way too far, internet person.
Now, I don't think Briar Rose's approach is the best in every situation. People need different things at different times. Sometimes acceptance, sometimes a kick in the ass. But you can't always be the change-affector in a person's life, that's not healthy for either party (as Hanna and Mar are kinda experiencing). Sometimes you have to know when you've had your say and have to back off on the topic, for your own sake as well as theirs.
Basically, you can't fix everything, and you have to find the balance of what you need to help change as a friend/family/lovedone, and what they have to do for themselves.
Sometimes someone is already trying to fix things, and they need to complain to a friend. They don't need another list of what they're doing wrong, they just need to be heard. It can be tough to know what they need, but if you've given yourself the label of always being the "___" in the relationship, you can be too caught up in that to realize that's not what's best for anyone now. (or that you don't even fit the role in that situation).
Wasn't intending this to be a comment on what is immediately happening in the comic, but. Dang. That's part of what is awesome in the writing here, the characters think of themselves as certain archetypes, often not realizing that the role they give themselves isn't fitting with what they need to play. Will is trying to pry some support from Hanna, not realizing that she's the one who needs support now. But Hanna is too used to being the mentor to ask for it, or to think she needs it. Neither realizes they could change this dynamic, or is even aware of it.
Hanna paused in that panel from mixing, while Will was silently staring at her. And she looked pretty upset in the last panel, like she thought that maybe, just maybe, she went a little too far with that one.
Oof. Yeah, I do a lot of that kind of talking myself; oddly enough, none of my friends has called me out on it yet. Still, the truth hurts – even coming from a webcomic.
Hanna has nearly a lifetime of unused reasonableness now bursting to the surface.It's 99.44% pure. Dangerous stuff. Don't get any on you if you're not prepared for it.
People seem to love the 'harsh truth' treatment right up until they're on the receiving end of it. I'm not seeing "Shit or get off the pot" resulting in much besides the same thing it did at the end of Clerks.
Oof, poor Hannah. She's in a really bad place right now. Will's matured a lot, hasn't he? (Insert GIF of Will beating Ollie's nephew with a helmet).
Meredith is magical. Her dialogue and character development is magical. Is Meredith a faerie? We will never know
<3
tough love is such a bs concept in my opinion.
i feel like hanna is coming across more and more like an abusive parental figure than a friend who "tells it like it is" lately. like she seems less that she is saying these things to will because she is frustrated with him, and more like she was saying it in an attempt to reassert herself as superior to him. i mean marigold succeeded in getting her life together but hanna seems basically infuriated about it. shes trying to tear down and reduce mari's happiness to being fake and not real because its happiness that doesnt rely on hanna. i was reading an article abouit abusive people and hwile most people think its because they repress their feelings, doctors now feel that its actually because they think their feelings matter above everyone elses and that their feelings take first priority.
i mean i dont think hanna is literally an abusive person but i think she is showing signs of becoming that way. i know she's depressed but depression doesnt excuse how shitty shes being. idk i never really liked hanna at all. she always came across to me as pushy and ignorant of everyone else's feelings.
Doing another read through. The "witch" imagery is really strong here. with the bowl as spoon as her cauldron. A little nod to the conversation she just had with Jane.
30 thoughts on “#740 – stick your neck out”
woooow
Holy shit Hanna is getting almost unbearable to live with. Reminds me of someone *cough*me*cough**cough**chokes**wheeze*
MerchManDan
Well, I dunno. To me, it's kind of refreshing to see her be blunt but not hostile (as she was with Greg at the party).
lee
Everyone is being so hard on Hannah but have you ever BEEN that friend? The one that everyone tells their life goals and aspirations to but never do anything about them? It’s hard not to feel worn out or bitter after hearing the same complaints over and over again and to watch someone you love fester in their unhappy life. I’ve had people (BFFs!) write me off for being even a tiny bit critical after the same “ohhh I hate my job I can do so much MORE” “oh honey you can! You just have to move on!” Conversation. You can’t do that forever. It’s bad for everyone.
Donnyfightworld
That and her statement seems to be more about subtly lamenting her own loneliness and less about making a judgement about Will.
briar rose
Boy, if you think that it's a best friend's place to critique and affect change then you're in for a heck of a letdown. Every person you've ever met is doing their best, and they're either going to change or they're not. And everyone is going to keep on trying to change, because fighting inertia is all we can do.
Love people for the people they are — whiny, short-sighted, lazy, whatever — because they're sure as hell not gonna change for you. The best you can do is love them. Maybe they'll change for themselves, maybe not.
Like I said, they're doing the best they can.
Jake
Except if you let your friends keep making bad decisions, spinning their wheels, and just keep saying "well I can't change them, only they can change themselves," then you're not a BFF you're just an acquaintance, a 10 foot relationship. Friends that are willing to both tell you that your best is not getting you anywhere right now AND help you to get somewhere at their own expense are real BFFs. For all the other 10 and 8 foot relationships around you saying that you can't change them and they have to change themselves is all you can do, but for the people that really value you, your opinion, and you have the ability to help them, those are the ones you have to honest/blunt with. The key is to be physically involved in the change you want to see for your BFF, if you aren't then you're just critiquing someone's life choices.
lee
That’s not supportive though! Letting a friend be miserable in a situation they CAN change without trying to encourage them to improve is being a lazy useless friend. Friends try to motivate each other to be everything they can be. But it isn’t their role to let you bitch forever, and if you refuse to accept gentle encouragement or criticism you’re being immature.
HikaruYami
Agree with Jake and lee, disagree with you. I'm going to go a step farther and call you a horrible friend.
Emily
Agree with Jake and Lee, disagree with Hikaru. You stepped way too far, internet person.
Now, I don't think Briar Rose's approach is the best in every situation. People need different things at different times. Sometimes acceptance, sometimes a kick in the ass. But you can't always be the change-affector in a person's life, that's not healthy for either party (as Hanna and Mar are kinda experiencing). Sometimes you have to know when you've had your say and have to back off on the topic, for your own sake as well as theirs.
Basically, you can't fix everything, and you have to find the balance of what you need to help change as a friend/family/lovedone, and what they have to do for themselves.
Sometimes someone is already trying to fix things, and they need to complain to a friend. They don't need another list of what they're doing wrong, they just need to be heard. It can be tough to know what they need, but if you've given yourself the label of always being the "___" in the relationship, you can be too caught up in that to realize that's not what's best for anyone now. (or that you don't even fit the role in that situation).
Wasn't intending this to be a comment on what is immediately happening in the comic, but. Dang. That's part of what is awesome in the writing here, the characters think of themselves as certain archetypes, often not realizing that the role they give themselves isn't fitting with what they need to play. Will is trying to pry some support from Hanna, not realizing that she's the one who needs support now. But Hanna is too used to being the mentor to ask for it, or to think she needs it. Neither realizes they could change this dynamic, or is even aware of it.
grool
She's mean, but this time she's kind of right. I dislike it (but actually like it) when people tell it like it is.
bryanew710
It's not like she's wrong, or at least just tried to actually *do* something different in her life.
Kathleen
her depression has led to apathy which has led to giving no fucks about social niceties, which means constant harshness
briar rose
i posit that social niceties are all we have as people. in order to, like, not kill each other. i hope no one kills hannah
rufiangel
Hanna paused in that panel from mixing, while Will was silently staring at her. And she looked pretty upset in the last panel, like she thought that maybe, just maybe, she went a little too far with that one.
At least that's how I'd like to think. Sigh.
kev
"So I am a witch"
MerchManDan
Oof. Yeah, I do a lot of that kind of talking myself; oddly enough, none of my friends has called me out on it yet. Still, the truth hurts – even coming from a webcomic.
jon
Hanna has nearly a lifetime of unused reasonableness now bursting to the surface.It's 99.44% pure. Dangerous stuff. Don't get any on you if you're not prepared for it.
Bathymetheus
Haha! You're giving away your age with that Dove soap reference.
And of course mine, since I got it.
Mishyana
People seem to love the 'harsh truth' treatment right up until they're on the receiving end of it. I'm not seeing "Shit or get off the pot" resulting in much besides the same thing it did at the end of Clerks.
Pieman
Sheeesh. Way to demote Will's boggle, Hannah.
advancecasette
what's the magical gamble will needs to take to make his life good
maybe she's suggesting he play the lottery so he can be not poor enough to have to sell drugs and work odd jobs
briar rose
Oof, poor Hannah. She's in a really bad place right now. Will's matured a lot, hasn't he? (Insert GIF of Will beating Ollie's nephew with a helmet).
Meredith is magical. Her dialogue and character development is magical. Is Meredith a faerie? We will never know
<3
Lane
Hello. I would just like to point out how freaking adorable Hannah looks in that beanie.
mistereynolds
GRAN, you are killing me!
I NEED resolution to this arc immediately!
First the knife went in. And then when it spun around the first time, I was like, "Well, this is pretty bad."
But this feels carousel needs a fire ASAP.
octii
I am this friend. Tough love, motherfuckers.
idek
tough love is such a bs concept in my opinion.
i feel like hanna is coming across more and more like an abusive parental figure than a friend who "tells it like it is" lately. like she seems less that she is saying these things to will because she is frustrated with him, and more like she was saying it in an attempt to reassert herself as superior to him. i mean marigold succeeded in getting her life together but hanna seems basically infuriated about it. shes trying to tear down and reduce mari's happiness to being fake and not real because its happiness that doesnt rely on hanna. i was reading an article abouit abusive people and hwile most people think its because they repress their feelings, doctors now feel that its actually because they think their feelings matter above everyone elses and that their feelings take first priority.
i mean i dont think hanna is literally an abusive person but i think she is showing signs of becoming that way. i know she's depressed but depression doesnt excuse how shitty shes being. idk i never really liked hanna at all. she always came across to me as pushy and ignorant of everyone else's feelings.
elton john
…is there a tiny manuel on top of the fridge?
Zak
Hanna's wrong to say all of this when Will is already demonstrating a pretty meaningful change by being consistent about baking with her.
ktpetunia
Doing another read through. The "witch" imagery is really strong here. with the bowl as spoon as her cauldron. A little nod to the conversation she just had with Jane.
De!
Yeesh. Is she really gunna alienate everyone??